Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
