I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
