Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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