he was CRYING into my vagina
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
