Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
