We won't sleep together?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
bring money and cleavage
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
