....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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