I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
