i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Soap is not a condiment
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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