you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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