i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Pooping to opera.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
