Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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