You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
