I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
