this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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