just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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