Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
