I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
