My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
