Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
