the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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