She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
