dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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