Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
