so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
