I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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