we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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