On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
