grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Less talking, more tequila
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
