I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
