Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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