That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
