I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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