hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
