I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
