yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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