Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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