i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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