It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
