dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
