just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
