She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
