Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
