Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They took my balls.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
