Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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