i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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