Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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