porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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