yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
