I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
