Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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