PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
