just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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