Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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