Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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