He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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