just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
