Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
