Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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