My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
