eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
