Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
