Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's always time for handjobs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
